The damages of financial infidelity
Despite being married for over 30 years, Beth says she was left in the dark about the family’s finances. Her husband, she says, experienced extended periods of unemployment because he refused to get any job below upper-management level. He recently revealed that he had been spending money from their retirement accounts during these stretches.
He also managed to accumulate $126,000 in debt, including $77,000 in credit cards and $50,000 in a HELOC co-signed with his sister. “Now that’s all gone too,” Beth sighed. “Honestly, he was not a very good money manager.”
Mismanaging money and concealing financial details from partners is unfortunately common. A whopping 40% of U.S. adults in committed relationships have committed financial infidelity, according to a recent survey by Bankrate. Forty-five percent say this form of deception is as bad as, if not worse than, physical infidelity.
Beth’s husband hasn’t just damaged their relationship through his deception, he’s also left them both vulnerable as they approach retirement. One in five American seniors ages 50+ have no retirement savings, according to a 2024 survey by AARP. Over a quarter (26%) of people who are not yet retired say they expect to never retire.
Without a safety net, many seniors have been compelled to delay retirement or cancel it altogether. Beth says she is now working part-time and has convinced her husband to take a job as a car salesman.
However, Cruze says she needs to do more to protect her financial future.
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Learn MoreCreating personal boundaries
After decades of lies and deception, Cruze believes it’s necessary for Beth to create a financial firewall and manage her own finances independently. “I would have my own money,” she tells her. “Get your own checking account. We rarely say this, we’re the show that’s the opposite, but in a situation like this …”
Twenty-seven percent of U.S. adults in committed relationships have completely separate finances, according to the Bankrate survey. Separate accounts can give couples a sense of autonomy and privacy, but in Beth’s case it could also offer protection. With a separate checking and investment account, she could accumulate modest savings for her eventual retirement.
Meanwhile, an open conversation with her husband could help them create a plan to curb their combined debt burden and secure their financial future together.
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