‘We flew to Lisbon for Taylor Swift, but my $5 beer is the problem’: Couple with over $1 million in debt struggles to get on the same page about income and spending — Ramit Sethi responds

Lopsided financial relationship

The couple’s combating perspectives on money causes financial strain, but Sethi notices that the strain is exacerbated by their unequal income contributions. As an accountant, Annie earns $15,600 in gross monthly income — roughly five times more than her husband.

Emery, meanwhile, gave up a career in real estate and insurance to pursue entrepreneurial ventures in multimedia journalism. However, he’s struggled to generate steady income from these ventures and spends much of his time as the primary caregiver for their children.

“Of course, it hit my ego a bit,” he admitted. “I like spending valuable time with the kids, but I was just always really frustrated. I just wanted to get out there and build something.”

Income disparity between partners is vastly common. According to 2022 data from Pew Research Center, only 29% of married couples earn around the same income. That means it’s still more common for one partner to make more than the other. Approximately 55% of men and 16% of women are the primary or sole breadwinners in marriages today.

Unfortunately for Annie and Emery, income isn’t the only thing causing stress in their relationship. They’re also struggling to get on the same page about spending, debt and investments.

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Financial resolution pending

The couple has over $2 million in assets and over $1 million in total debt, both of which are heavily concentrated in real estate. Besides the family home, they own two more properties — a short-term rental and a regular rental.

Annie explained that these investment properties barely break even and she’s holding on to them just for capital appreciation — something Emery wasn’t aware of.

“I thought we were earning 40,000 a year,” he said, explaining that he’s mostly responsible for maintaining the properties (which has taken valuable time away from his career). “I want [the short-term rental] gone so bad.”

Meanwhile, Annie has also accumulated a pile of credit cards to collect points that pay for vacations and other indulgences for the family. When asked how many cards she has, she couldn’t even provide a number.

Sethi believes a lack of shared money values and communication is stretching the family in different directions. In fact, 46% of Americans don’t talk about finances with their partners, according to a 2023 study by Empower, while 45% of partners say they argue about money at least occasionally, according to a 2024 Fidelity study.

In this context, Sethi advises Annie and Emery to improve their communication about money and try to get on the same page. He believes some of their issues can be resolved if they held different bank accounts and managed their own spending separately while simplifying their financial lives by selling the rental properties.

This should also allow Emery to focus on his career and try to boost his net income to $50K by the end of the year. He also advises Annie to stop using stock returns as a short-term savings account and close her countless credit cards.

After taking Sethi’s perspective into account, the pair is starting to see progress.

“We are both asking more questions,” Emery said in a follow-up interview. “[We’re] more curious and trying to understand what each other's rich life looks like so we can come up with something where we can live our rich life together.”